Cristofer Trevizo Martinez
I’m not usually the type of person to hold grudges, or to hate, I used to, but I don’t really do that, I don’t hold grudges, nor do I focus on the negative sides of my life. But sometimes looking back to your lowest point… technically not your lowest, that sounds to negative but you’re not so positive point in life, helps you see how far you have come through. My family wasn’t really the troubled family, but we weren’t perfect. We almost never had issues; well, we probably did but I was too blind to see them. Until I was around 8 or 9. I slowly started to open my eyes and started seeing things that other people didn’t see in my family.
My story doesn’t include a lot of people it just includes my mom, my dad, my brother, and me. This all happens in two different places; one is an apartment I used to live in and the other part was a house we move to like three years ago.
My family was social, we had a few friends. I was around 8 or 9 when I started to realize the amount of beer that would be bought for a simple carne asada. I slowly started to realize the actions of my father when he drank, and the way it would make my mom feel. At first it wasn’t anything bad I mean everyone deserves to have fun occasionally, right? It’s always good to let go of some stress. The problem is, when letting go of stress becomes so constant. It becomes so constant that my dad started to depend on alcohol to have a good time.
It indeed started to influence my family, at first it wasn’t so bad. I remember that first we would go to other friends’ houses, I wouldn’t realize until the end of the night that something was wrong. It took me a while to get the hang of it, to know what was wrong with my dad. But once I knew what caused him to act this way there was no going back.
It was around 2016-ish when I noticed the problem. I mean the problem was always there, but I started seeing how my mom was trying her best to keep her shit together. ‘’Por favor Magdaleno ten responsabilidad en tus actos.’’ she would say and every time my dad would just ignore her. Once things took a toll there was no going back. It hurts to admit but it’s true, from that year on all I would see would be my parents constantly fighting. At first something big had to happen in order to trigger an argument. But as time went by small things would cause huge argument. I was lost. I used to feel so confused, so weird.
As time went by things started to escalate, beer would end up taking full control of my dad. I started feeling so lost and trapped. I remember getting mad every time my dad drank, a few hours later he thought he was ‘’ all that’’. I was there to witness loud arguments between my mom and my dad. Then things would start getting physical sometimes. I hated it. I used to think, ‘’ Where did it all go wrong?’’. The air in my chest would feel like if it was knocked out, my stomach would feel sick, and the world around me would just close on me. Tears came flooding down every time I tried to stop a fight. If they loved each other then why would they act like this?
I hated going to parties where there were huge ice boxes filled with beer, I hated to see my dad, I hated seeing his drunk friends, I hated everything. I hated his bullshit. Every time after a fight my dad would say, ‘’ I promise I won’t ever drink’’. I would believe him, I was so naive, so dumb. After a while I knew tings wouldn’t change. I didn’t care if he drank or not, I didn’t care what happened anymore. Every time I would hear that phrase my heart would sink to my stomach for a few seconds then there was nothing, just vagueness. I knew it would happen again so why bother feel bad? My mom tried everything in her power to try to get my dad to change or to go to alcoholics anonymous.
‘’ Maleno Por favor busca ayuda’’. And all those talks would end with,
‘’ Yo no estoy enfermo. Tu estas loca.’’
Stuff like that started to make me feel frustrated. Trapped. The problem grew, and as it grew my parents acted more like strangers. My mom would try her best to talk to my dad, but he would always end up ignoring her. They acted like if nothing ever happened between them. As if they never loved each other. My mom got tired of being treated like if she was nothing. With a heavy heart my mom knew she had to leave; she realized the more time she spent living with my dad the more she would start to become like him. She wanted to give him time to think about his actions. But in his eyes, he never does anything wrong.
In the end we have all learned to mature from the past. I learned how to process the pain and become a better person. This story wasn’t meant to be a story of pity and sadness. This story was to help me look back and reflect on my actions and see how far I have come in life. And how much farther I will get.
Cristofer Trevizo Martinez is attending Rincon High School. When Cristofer is not writing, they are playing guitar, singing or hanging out with friends.