Mi Cambio

Jabdiel Rivera

I am not staying with my mom anymore. I do not see my brothers, I wonder why? I miss them, miss the chaos of children screaming and playing. I do not hear or feel in my skin the footsteps big and little of kids running and my mom running after them. I remember vividly the day where a piece who I am got shattered. It was an extremely humid day enough to suffocate you I was in the living room with my siblings they were in their usual energetic mode they moved, so much even I was getting tired and dizzy. My mom was cooking rice with sausage. The smell made me light-headed, it smelled amazing, but my daydreaming was interrupted by a knock. My mom checked who was at the door and it was my grandmother and a strange woman with a badge saying Child Social Services I did not know what it meant, so I ignored it.

Living with my grandma was cool, she is amazing, but inside me there was pain, a hole inside my heart. But same with my mom that did not last either, I was going with my dad who was not there in my life at the time. I did not know why, and I did not think about my mom’s situation. I was simply happy being with my dad. My dad and I are going to U.S., but I did not know what state. I asked my dad, Papi que estado vamos a ir? 

He told me, Vamos para Tucson, Arizona. When we arrived, I was excited, but that was just a layer of emotional protection because I really felt confused and out of place.
After a day arriving in Tucson, I immediately felt a major difference when it comes to the weather, in Tucson it was so hot and dry I thought I was a dry raisin for a bit. My dad lives in a small apartment. I do not mind its small, but homy. He lives with his wife, my stepmom, but later I would eventually call her mom. One hot sunny afternoon it popped into my mind about how long I would be staying with my dad. I went to ask him. My dad did not answer out of the bat. He took a second to think about the answer and then started speaking,
Papi mira tu mama necesita aser algunas cosas entre tu que vas quedar conmigo.”Son your mom needs to do a couple things meanwhile you are staying with me.” Since I was young, I didn’t give it much thought, instead I went with the happiest version of what he said which is I’m living here temporarily. I went with that since I did not want to face the truth because for a seven-year-old I was smart, but emotional, so hearing that would be devasting eventually I would find out.

When I found out it hurt extremely because I love my mom and siblings, but it not just them I will not be able to see I will not be able to see the rest of my family. The thought of that burned me I felt, so many feelings at once I felt anger, confusion, sadness, and alone. I wanted to blame someone, but I did not know who to blame, I had the urge to scream until I could not. The word to truly describe how I felt was empty, I felt like this for a couple of days I hid how I felt from my dad because I could not tell him. But one day I realized I cannot be like this. I am not the only one hurting instead as the oldest son, brother, nephew, and grandson I must stand strong, I will see my family in the future I have faith it will happen meanwhile I will become someone they and I can be proud in.

After that day I started my life in Tucson and my first day of school. 8 and half years later I am 15 years old a first-year student in high school. I finished middle school being an honor student. I saw my family last summer, and we both had changed greatly. I finished my goal, but it is not the end. It is only the beginning and I have a hunger for what is next in my life. Something I learned is that life can hit you with anything, and it can bring you down faster than the eye can blink. It is up to us to decide what to do with those changes. Like how we use those parts of our life to improve ourselves, become smarter, become wiser and become strong mentally, physically, and spiritually. From the words of my favorite motivator,’ stay hard.’

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Jabdiel Omar Rivera Sanches is currently a freshman at Rincon High school. Jabdiel has called Tucson home for 9 years, after moving from Florida and Puerto Rico. Jabdiel is passionate about working out and dancing. His hope in the future is to become a person of strong character, as well as wise and knowledgeable.